A couple of weeks ago, a woman approached me and said: “I love your work, I’d like to invite you to lunch and pick your brain. You know so much about this and that…” I let her go on with her list but, had she read my body language, she would have realized I was not amused. I have been in this situation many times.
Do you use this line with colleagues or even strangers?
How does this feel to you when others say this to you?
It is obviously flattering to some whereas others may feel like the cannibals are out to get them.
Why?
The simple answer is you always need an equitable exchange of value for value. Why not abide by the: “Your time is valuable to me?” As Geoffrey Gitomer says, he can afford lunch, thank you very much. Warren Buffet bids his time for charity purposes.
For example, I am currently conducting interviews of CEOs and company presidents for the new edition of Leading Under Pressure, to be published by Career Press in the Fall. As I wondered how to best ask these very busy and successful leaders for some very expensive minutes of their time, I have also reflected on the best ways to approach others.
How could you approach experts searching for information, knowledge or sharing of ideas in a more equitable way?
1. If you truly value someone’s expertise or experience, be ready to invest in it. Be the first to say: “I would love to have a minute of your time. I know you must be very busy. What’s the best way that we can meet?” Then, the other person may decide to give you a few minutes of their time, to charge you for their time or to exchange services in some way.
2. Try to be very specific. The person may be taken aback if you want to talk about the big bang and their theories about the beginning of the universe. Instead, if you are very clear about one burning question you may want to ask and just ask it in the conversation, the expert may be very open about giving you their thoughts on the issue.
3. Tell them why you believe they are the best person to help you in this subject. Know what these people have done and be aware of the value of the information they can provide. If you are in a casual gathering, realize it may be inappropriate to ask them what you should do to resolve your particular problem.
4. Find a common purpose to benefit the greater good rather than your personal gain. People will be more open to helping you when they realize you truly want to make a difference in the world.
5. Thank them for their time. Many people will graciously and generously give their time and will share their knowledge in the right situation.
Food for thought
How are you approaching others? Are you respectful of their time? Do you truly value their expertise? Do you usually reflect on exchanging value for value in an exchange of information, expertise or experience?
February 5th, 2010 at 3:27 pm
When I believe the person isn’t appreciating my time, I have a perfect response to this question, “Let’s go to lunch so I can pick your brain.” I answer, “Sounds painful to me.” The person is usually surpised, assuming that you have a lot of free time and refuse to share it. That’s not likely the case. I have very little time and share it as selectively, and as often as I can.
July 1st, 2010 at 12:32 am
Excellent commentary! Thanks for sharing! I truly believe in the fact that if a person invest in other persons less fortunate, great rewards will be returned to the good deeds. It is a win-win!